除却那些旅程中短暂经过,此番已是降临大布列颠第四次去造访伦敦了。
仅是隔了几个小时的车程,伦敦和卡村似乎已是两重天。刚刚初秋,伦敦客都统统已经是大衣棉外套行头。不曾料到这清冷的空气,更不曾料到伦敦又在下雨,于是随着人流从那个永远游人如织的VICTORIA站挤到出口时,衣衫单薄独自拖着一个大行李箱的我又被伦敦的冷雨淋个正着。本有计划去国家美术馆度过一个慵懒的下午,时间有多就在特拉法加广场闲晃下,最后再是去中国城饱下口福。如艾博尔君说的,我承认我属于“吃货”行列。
为了搁这个大箱子在处于2区3区交界处的樱花家,计划算是半流产,来来去去路上就花了两个多小时。刚到国家美术馆拿了份介绍还没来得及熟悉展馆庞杂的分布,就已经接到樱花电话催促过来吃晚饭。匆匆地浏览了一遍,把我最想瞻仰的波提切利和莫奈的展品画室找到以后,徜徉刻把钟后只得郁郁把机会留给下一次。
回卡村的车上,我估算此次行程的大部分时间,几乎又花在晃晃悠悠于tube的黑暗中。有趣的是车还经常中途戛然而止,黑暗中的静默,往往是半晌之后,广播里才响起那典型的伦敦上扬腔,”We will start again shortly while waiting for the platform”。伦敦腔那典型地一路上扬到底,总让我觉得跟打字机字针触摸纸面清脆的当当声似的,可爱呆板却怀旧地不属于这个时代似的。
翻了上次在TATE BRITAIN买的一本LONDON CAMPANION,介绍些伦敦地名来源,历史琐碎甚至八卦笑话。关于TUBE,此书有一部分专门收录了所有伦敦地铁司机的调侃语录。释语说Proof that London underground drivers have a heart, a soul and a sense of humour.In spite of everything.
摘下几条让我在VICTORIA等车时,众目睽睽下仍笑出声来的几句:
On Jubliee Line: (while stuck in a tunnel): “Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’m pleased to tell you it’s a lovely sunny day outside. But of course you wouldn’t know that, because you are sitting in the dark. ‘
On Northern line: “Ladies and gentlemen we will shortly be arriving at Waterloo, then I think we will carry right on through the channel tunnel and spend the weekend in Paris”.
In an unknown place: “Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news first or the bad news? …… The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and home each day and not even a card. The bad news is that there is a point’s failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means that we probably won’t reach our destination.”
On District Line: “This is like that tv advert, I hope the person next to you is wearing a good deodorant!”
On District Line train to Parsons Gree, the driver said over the intercom (whispering): “This train is for Parsons Green calling at all the f***ing STATIONS to Parsons Green.”
Then about 5 mins after the driver shouted loudly down the intercom: “I AM VERY SORRY FOR MY LANGUAGE I HAVE BEEN SACKED YOU WILL HAVE ANOTHER DRIVER AT FULHAM BROADWAY!!!!!!”
On District Line: “I am sorry, I was told this train was going to Richmond and the signal men have changed their mind and this train is now going to Parsons Green.”
On Circle Line: “When the gentleman on platform four has finished his phone conversation, would he kindly tell us how he gets mobile phone service down here when the rest of us can’t? Thank you.”
On Central Line: “This train willl not be stopping at Mansion House as no one ever gets on or off there. If you did want Mansion House it’s tough cos I’m not stopping.”
At Stratford (announcement): “Your next train on Platform 4 will be the 22:01 to Romford. To the guy that has been in the waiting room since 20:00: Wake up and go home.”
At Barking: “We’re sorry for the delay. This is because the train is waiting for a new driver. Not that there was anything wrong with the old one. But we’re waiting for a new one.”
On Central Line: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction”.
In an unknown place: “Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open’. The two are distinct and separate instructions.”
During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman… unfortunately towels are not provided”.
At Camden town station: “Please let the passengers off the train first…” “Please let the passengers off the train first…” “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!…” “Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I’m going home.”
On Bakerloo line: “We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that.”